Trigger News Network

Tappety, tap, tap, tappety, tap, tap...

And now the news from TNN. Reporting directly from Al Kut, Iraq, here's our headline reporter, Trigger, the wonder reporter...

Good evening. Getting right to our Headline News, an extremist, Al Qaida, terrorist, insurgency, all-around-bad-guy (probably, we don't really know) plot, was recently averted. Some deviant from rational, civilized society actually was so bold as to attempt to cut the locking cable on me!!! Hah! But he was stopped short of his diabolical goal, by non-other than...ta-da...Technology! Yes, his bolt cutters or butter knife, or whatever dull weapon this schmuck tried to use, was no match for the heavy, plastic-coated, metal-reinforced, bike locking cable which Mrs. Linda had sent Mr. Poppy. While sleeping in my concrete reinforced stall, the sinister hoodlum was only able to notch a thin piece of plastic. Hah. He was lucky I was having a good dream and kept sound asleep, or I would have done bad things to that bad man. Oh, yea, Mr. Poppy was snoring soundly in his air conditioned stall not even 10 feet away. Some guardian of the universe he is! Double hah.

Sideline News: With the recent spat of rocket attacks, the FOB Delta headquarters has come to their senses and ordered a double-layer of reinforcing sandbags to my concrete stall. Actually, every stall in the area received similar treatment. Probably, just in case I was wandering out and about and needed some protection nearby. The bright, green sandbags sure add to my garage's property value, I'm sure!

Weather News: Well April showers may bring May flowers, but here in beautiful Iraq, the weather continues to be hazy and dusty, with temperatures ranging from the 60's to the low 90's. Mr. Poppy has been squinting his eyes lately, tearing up, and getting really wattery-eyed. He says it's from my news reporting! Hah! I think it's from "allergies", which we all know, "real" pilots can't have "allergies." Wimp! Anyway, our forecast shows the Winds of Change are coming in to alleviate this hazy and dusty weather. Tomorrow, we'll have DUST and HAZE instead! How's that for variety? Oh, yeah. It rained this afternoon. Mr. Poppy looked pretty funny trying to run back to the office after lunch. That'll teach him to go to lunch in a Chevy Blazer rather than riding Trigger, the wonder stead!

Sports: With the rain, FOB Delta's softball field and volleyball court have postponed all activity. Actually, their hasn't even been any the rockets lately. It's pretty been quiet.

Mr. Poppy Update: The old guy's pretty tired lately. His schedule goes like this... Up at 0500. On to Trigger, the wonder stead. Rid to the office like a gust of wind not-latter-than 0515. Okay, maybe 0520. Will you believe 0530? Trigger doesn't wear a watch, you know. He types some things, moves some electronic gizmos and backpacks out to the helicopter, climbs all over it, starts the APU (Auxilliary Power Unit), makes some radio calls, shuts down, and goes back into the office for a briefing. Yakkety, yak, yak. Then on to breakfast, riding in those rickety old Chevy Blazers. Back to the flightline. Takeoff, flight of two into the wild, blue...uh, brown...yonder. Gone for about 6 hours. Lands. Makes a lot of noise. Unloads a lot of stuff. Cleans the windows. Ties down the old helicopter. Goes into the office to type, type, type. Finally, stumbles out after dark. Gets in the dumb, old Chevy. Goes to supper. Comes back. Then, away we go! Trigger, the wonder stead, wisks him back to the CHU. He stumbles to the shower stall. Quick shower with bad some singing. More stumbling. Back into the air conditioned stall. A little reading of C.S. Lewis and the Screwtape Letters. Then...snoring. Mr. Poppy's flying 6 days a week and says something about his bottom getting flat, whatever that means. But, he says, the days are "flying by"... he thinks that's soooo funny, poor guy. He doesn't even know what day of the week it is; not that it matters.

Trigger Update:  I'm dusty, grumpy, unappreciated, and I need a good bath! Hope Mr. Poppy reads this!

Safety Tip: Don't get too close to the Burn Barrel when destroying all those secret documents (flight routes, etc.). The hair on the back of your hand will singe and curl up. Mr. Poppy makes a lousy pyromaniac.

Closing:  Thanks for Tuning in. That's the daily news. Which is the same as the weekly news. Which pretty much is just like the Monthly news. Yes, it's Groundhog Day at FOB Delta. But don't worry America. Trigger, the wonder stead/reporter, continues his vigilance. No bike-cable-cutter will cross our ocean to threaten your world. Hmm. Unless, he has already infiltrated our society. Double hmm.

Lots and lots of slurpy love,

Trigger, master of many things

Oh, yea. Mr. Poppy did the tappety-tap-stuff. He's good for some things.